The Beckstroms

The post has been sitting waiting to be published for weeks.  Adam and I are always excited to share exciting news like the upcoming arrival of a new baby.  We announced our news at Caroline's jewel party and had Caroline open a present with a card exclaiming news of a prospective baby brother or sister inside.  But for some reason, there the post sat, and I just never felt good yet about posting it.  We always tell family and friends early because we have discovered we love the support if something goes wrong.  Well, Friday I was 14 weeks along and some bad news came.  No heartbeat with the doppler when I went to see the Midwife.  We had to wait over the long holiday weekend for an ultrasound, and that's when the heart crushing news came.

This may seem so personal to some to share this here, but for me I have learned it helps to share.  The first time we experienced this I treated it like it was taboo to talk about, I felt uncomfortable sharing the news with most friends.  It hurt.  I found out though, that the more I shared with people, the more I discovered this happens unfortunately a lot and some healing began.  I gained comfort in other peoples stories and successes of still being able to have children.  We are one of those successes because after two hard experiences came sweet animated Olive.

The thing I learned from those hard losses was that our Heavenly Father knows exactly what we need and what is best for us.  I went through so many emotions, anger, fear, hopelessness, sadness, before I realized that it's in His hands.  Olive came at the perfect time and when I realized this I was comforted and my faith increased.  This knowledge is what got me through last weekend.  Yes I thought things might still be ok, but I also felt so calm and full of the Spirit knowing that I really have nothing to worry about.  It's in the Lord's hands.  It was hard to remember that when we did hear the disappointing news, but I truly know this and find peace in it.  We are beyond blessed and so grateful to have our two beautiful little girls.  I always learn from this to be a better mother each day to these precious little ones and cherish every sticky finger, messes that need to be cleaned up, spills, crying that needs comforting because one day there will be none of that....and I know it will all be missed.